This post is being written as part of the Alex Beadon Feel Good Blogging Challenge, and
although agreeing to write and post 7 posts is invigorating (have just realised
that I need to feel accountable) it is also designed to push you. This is
certainly the case when you are given the subject to write about.
Particularly now as the subject of today’s post is
Vulnerability.
Who really wants to lay themselves bare to their audience? I
guess vulnerability and courage need to go hand in hand.
There are so many things that I could class as vulnerability
in my life, but these are intricate parts of my life and not for public
consumption or judgement.
There are however other moments that have made me feel raw
and exposed, and there are lessons that can be learnt from these. Teachable
moments I guess. So let me begin….
When I had my business I was keen to learn all that I could
and had my heart set on all different kinds of courses that would help me to
improve. The problem was money. All of the courses mounted up to A LOT of money,
and so I had to decide.
In the end despite the numerous photography courses that
were on my list I chose a 3 day business course. This was expensive but was
taught by a well known person who was very successful, so that was a good sign.
I spoke to them on the phone to find out more about the
course and the team seemed nice and friendly. I needed to pay a deposit to
reserve my place, for the next course in 5 months time. Places were limited and
it was a popular course.
Then a couple of months later disaster struck when my
husband was made redundant. All our priorities changed, and suddenly paying all
this money for a course was not feasible. I gave the company a call and
explained the situation. I needed to cancel my place (and was expecting to
lose some of my deposit as a charge) as I was using all the
money from my savings to do this course, and now I needed that money to help
pay the bills.
They were not interested, I was too late to cancel and told
me that I would still have to pay the remaining balance whether I attended or
not (despite previously telling me that they are always oversubscribed for this
course.)
I felt angry and betrayed as I respected the owner and the
company and felt that this was greedy and showed a lack of empathy.
Teachable moment 1:
STOP. Take a breath. Say you will call them back and then find the contract
that they would/should have sent you over when you paid your deposit. If you
did not have a contract stating the terms then they cannot make you do this. If
there is a contract make sure you check what the cancellation clause is and
that they are sticking to it. I am still kicking myself about this now, as I
was so flustered and worried by the whole situation I just reacted.
So I paid my money and went on the course, as I was having to pay for it
either way. It was a good course and we covered a large range of subjects and I met some great people.
The last day of the course included a critique of our work so you could learn and improve.
No one likes to receive criticism, but criticism and a
critique are two different things. A critique should be useful, helpful,
positive feedback with steps you can take to change to continue to improve and grow.
Criticism is someone being thoughtless with how they are speaking to you, being
overly negative and making the task ahead seem impossible and overwhelming, leaving
you searching for a positive moment to take away from the encounter.
I was feeling a little hopeful about the feedback as I was
booking paid shoots and making money from my photography, and had enquiries
coming in from recommendations.
So when I was taken into my critique I was not fully
prepared for what I was about to hear.
They didn’t like my business name. They felt it was complicated and
long and they didn't get it. OK, I could understand that, I could reconsider how I
could improve this, but I had a domain, website, blogs and social media all in
my business name, so this was no small feat, and would require a complete and
extensive and expensive re-brand. Something to think about in the future maybe.
By the way it is Asmartartz Phototography
= A smart arse Photography – A also because my name is Andrea, and I thought it
brought a nice symmetry to it. Get it?
Then they went on to say that they didn’t think I had the
full technical capabilities to be a photographer, and my images were not up to
scratch and they didn’t like my style.
They recommended that I go away and sign up for a basic beginners photography course and learn how to take photographs again.
I was
dumbstruck, and heartbroken, and actually felt my self-belief, confidence and
business dreams crumble and fall away from me as I sat there.
I left the room, climbed into my car and sobbed down the phone
to my husband. I had just spent the only savings I had to be told I was wasting
my time, and was not on my was to a successful
future as a photographer after all.
I later found out that the majority
of my other classmates received equally harsh critiques that shook their
confidence as well.
I left the course with my workbook and a bitter taste in my
mouth.
The problem was that the words had got under my skin, and
shaken me to my core. I had taken every single one of them to heart.
If after all these years of doing photography I was no
further forward, what had I been wasting my time for? I felt really humiliated,
because if they thought that, then everyone else must be thinking it too.
Feeling sorry for me and humouring me all this time.
So I then allowed someone who did not know me, and would
have no further contact with me to decide my future. I believed them and just
started to give up and let it go.
The irony is that a few months later I started
seeing magazine shoots and lingerie catalogues (I was doing mainly boudoir by
this point) shooting in my style, but it was too late and the wheels had been
set in motion and I didn’t have the mental strength to undo it as I had no self
confidence left.
I made the stupid mistake of giving up which I have had to add to my list
of regrets (yes I know you are not meant to have those either!).
The thing is that there were some points during this session
which I agreed with; something’s could do with improving. I could refine some
areas and learn more techniques, (you should always be constantly learning and
improving) but it was all wrapped up in such a negative bow that I still
struggle to pick out the learning I got from this to this day, and still feel
the same ache in my heart when I think about it. It could have been such a
different experience if the way they critiqued was positive and encouraging.
Teachable moment
2: I let someone else’s opinion dictate my future and my self-worth. I
gave away my happiness, and the option of making a life for myself because of
some words that someone said to me one day. Don’t let it happen to you.
Yes criticism is hard and in some cases hurtful, but it should
make you want to fight for it harder and prove them wrong. Wouldn't that just
be the sweetest tasting rainbow coloured cupcake with glittery sprinkles on you
could have if you can do this?
I really want a cupcake now.
I recently came across this quote and I think it is very
appropriate:
“I don’t care what you think about me.
I don’t think about you at all.”
Coco Chanel
Teachable moment
3: Live your life and don’t let someone else decide what you are
capable of. Only you know that.
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